Wednesday, October 22, 2008

My darling girl.....

I cannot believe how fast the days have flown off of the calendar. Wasn't it just October 2006 and you were turning 1? I can recall the petitions laid at the Fathers feet asking Him to allow us the privilege to celebrate your first birthday with you. With the boys. As a Forever family.
I so desperately wanted the privilege of celebrating your very first birthday with you in our arms. And God, allowed me the honor. The theme of that birthday was redemption. We called it "Princess Tatumn's Redeeming 1st Birthday Party." The invitations were darling, if I say so myself.
So much of that very first year I missed. As I type those words the reality of it is still so fresh and what I missed hurts. The wound has not healed. It may not ever. If I had it my way, I would not have missed any of it. And compared to spending the rest of our lives together, it really was a just a small piece of forever.

You have grown and changed so much in those 2 years. You are an official girly-girl. Twirling Dresses are the most fun thing to wear! You done with diapers and modeling some darling princess panties! Dance class is your newest adventure. Your giggle still makes my heart beat a little faster. The way you "mommy" your babies is a picture I never want to forget. You love your daddy with your whole heart. In fact when he drove you to your first dance class you said " Oh, thank you daddy for my dance class." with such love and grace that I had to hold him up because he went weak in the knees. You could have asked for anything in that moment and he would have handed it to you. Instead, you hugged his neck and ran off to class. I sat there and patted his arm and watched him radiate with love for you. Oh, darling girl, you are so loved.

This week, God met me right in the middle of your birthday week with a specific word. It came out of Psalm 139. (We are doing Believing God by Beth Moore but we are doing it in a different format not the 10 week format it was written in. And just this week He met right where I was with His unfailing Word. I love how He does that. If we had been doing it week-by-week, it may not have spoken to me like it did this week.)It says in verse 14;"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; and my soul knows that full well." And this is what she wrote in our homework "Perhaps you are adopted and although you know the name of the mother who raised you, you do not know your biological mother. God certainly did and still does. God knew her intimately enough to choose her womb for the place where He would fearfully and wonderfully fashion you. God hid you in a blanket of soft tissue and bid your heart to beat.For many days He alone knew you existed. You were His secret.God's own skillful; hands knit you together, His watchful eyes gazed upon you, and His wise counsel ordained all of your days before you squinted from the light of your first." Oh, how I needed that fresh word from Him. He knew that as I approached this monumental week how my heart would be feeling. That although I had accepted those things that I can not change, the hurt is still there. It's just a mommy's heart. But here is what I heard him say to my heart "you were not there but I WAS! There was never a moment she was out of my sight or my plan. The world's system may have labeled her abandoned but I have not. She has NEVER be abandoned, dear one." Sweet relief floods my soul by recounting those precious words. It has brought peace to my heart.
Oh darling girl, your life has blessed mine more than I could have ever dared to dream. But more than that, you are your Heavenly Father's delight. May you always rejoice in that!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Welcome to 30!

Well, its about time little sister!Finally, you are 30! :)
I have thought about what I would post...because have given me much soooo much to write about. Somethings still make my stomach hurt, so I will not go there. Let's just leave it as, you have a wild streak. Which would be an understatement. But that doesn't get my nerves all edgy this early in the morning!

This last year has been a turning point for you, in many ways. I want you to know how very proud of you I am (did that sound a little like mom?) I have watched you step out in faith in a job situation that God turned around and blessed. No, it wasn't easy and there were a couple meltdowns but get made it! And in your personal life...can I go there? Oh, yeah thats's my blog! I have been witness to a lot of heartache on your behalf that has broken my heart for you. I truly believe all of those "events" were in preparation for what...or whom...God was bringing into your life. I remember feeling a peace at your first mention of this guy. I liked him immediately. And that first phone call we (he and I) shared allowed me to see his heart. And you know what, I've liked him ever since.

Who knew this weekend would hold SO MUCH excitement? Who knew that Saturday would start with a jump from 10,000 feet above the safe foundation of the earths surface, from a perfectly safe airplane? Again, only you would find it exciting. How can you not love that boy who would jump with you? He didn't jump because he wanted too, he jumped because he couldn't bare the thought of having you go it alone! I Love that boy all the more for his act of bravery!
And to think that he landed beside you on his feet but then walked over to you and got down on his knee and asked for your hand in marriage! The tears are back as I recall that sweet moment.

I want to thank you for the way you love my children. You know, you are the cool aunt. The one who will play football with them in the backyard and talk "shop" with them. The one who will do crazy things with them and because of them. (the car ride to the game last week may have pushed the limit... a tiny bit)I love laughing with you and sharing our jokes. I love how you push me out of my conservative zone ( a little)and that you think I am the BEST sister ever made. Which, you are wrong. You are the best kind of sister. And I win. Again, remember it's my blog! :)

Please know we couldn't be happier for you. This new chapter is bound to be exciting and challenging (well because its you!) but it is also sure to be full of great joy and expectancy. Expectancy is an action verb, just like you.
Kip and I have asked the Father to bind your hearts together with His. To release His greatest blessing over your lives. For His hand to be mighty and the shelter of His wing to cover.
Loving you today in a special kind of way.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

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Oh Firstborn......

I want to tell you that the feeling of watching you get dressed up and step into a new chapter of your life has left me emotional, so please bear with me. I still cannot believe that that group of people all dressed up taking pictures were your friends.
When did everybody get so big? And so pretty? Or referring to your guy friends, so handsome?
I know that you and Hannah are only friends but I want you to know that I am so proud of your choice for very first date. She is darling, Taylor. I am thankful that she her dress was super cute but conservative. It's a mommas heart.
I will tell you that as I saw her pin your flower on, I had to suck in a sob that threatened to over take my stoic composure. To think that, for a moment, she had all of your attention and concern was almost to much to soak in. I felt like my heart was walking away as you escorted her to the car. I wanted to high-five the Creator that you were not going in the limo. I think He knew I could only handle so much!
Oh, Firstborn I want you to know how very proud of you I am. It seems like I just blinked and you changed. Grew up. Not too much but enough that I have noticed that something is different. You will always have a special place in my heart, as my firstborn. Your life saved mine. I am so blessed to be your mom.
I'm thankful that I have over 3 months to prepare for Court-Warming.
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Such a sweet guy!

As we walked up to the crowd of children...teenagers the shouts for Taylor to get in pictures was too numerous to count! It was very sweet to watch. These are his sweetest girl-friends.
A mom who was watching this picture being taken, turned around and said to anyone listening,
"That is one lucky boy!"
It took all the strength I had (which really wasn't much at that point) not to snatch him up and carry him off!
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Monday, October 6, 2008

I love this girl!

I fall more in love with this girl all the time. And it is safe to say, so does her daddy and her boys. She affectionately calls her brothers "her boys". We do a count down in the mornings as each boy leaves the house. "I only have one boy left" is what she says as her and Tucker enjoy breakfast together. And as he boards the bus or gets dropped off in the car pool lane as we head to the gym she will say " That's it!I have no more boys. It's just me and you mommy. And we are best girls!"
Seriously, what can't you love about that?

Well, our house is all a buzz with the upcoming 3rd Birthday Party! I cannot believe that my little girl is turning 3. I feel like she has been here forever. I cannot remember a time when we didn't have babies, pink nite-nites, dishes, and Mary Jane shoes littered about the house. A time when her tiny (but loud!) voice filled not only our home but our hearts. And yet, two years have flown by. She was once a tiny, timid baby girl who was painfully shy and she has now become a talkative, bubbly toddler who is happy to say "Hi" to anyone. Tonight at Target she told our cashier "Hi, my name is Tatumn. I have a puppy at my home. She is HYPER!" She talks pretty clearly, although she has an accent that sounds a little Chinese. I wonder where that came from!

Tatumn loves to dress up! I made this little outfit as a trial run for her Halloween costume! I love how it turned out! She loves to wear it any moment she can! The other morning she wore the skirt with her nightgown and pink flip-flops! And to top it off, she exclaimed as she came out of her room "I'm ready to go shopping!"

All I can think about when I see this picture is " He loves me." Oh baby girl, HE does love you. HE is your Prince Charming. He sings over you with shouts of great joy and comforts you with HIS love. May you always feel loved by the ONE who breathed life into your precious soul and chose our family to love you here on earth. This house that was filled with all things boy needed you to complete it. I have journals full of petitions to the Father asking Him to allow your daddy to feel the love of a little girl. HE answered our prayers with you. Our journey to you is marked with triumphs and victories that have made us stronger, as is yours to us. But isn't that just like God? The One who redeems our lives and crowns us beauty designed our lives to be lived out together. I couldn't be more grateful.
So, as you pulled off ALL the petals of the Gerber Daisy I felt the Holy Spirit keep whispering over your life " I love Her. I love Her forever. I love Her. I love Her Forever." And I want to know I whispered back "so do I."