My darling girl.....

I cannot believe how fast the days have flown off of the calendar. Wasn't it just October 2006 and you were turning 1? I can recall the petitions laid at the Fathers feet asking Him to allow us the privilege to celebrate your first birthday with you. With the boys. As a Forever family.
I so desperately wanted the privilege of celebrating your very first birthday with you in our arms. And God, allowed me the honor. The theme of that birthday was redemption. We called it "Princess Tatumn's Redeeming 1st Birthday Party." The invitations were darling, if I say so myself.
So much of that very first year I missed. As I type those words the reality of it is still so fresh and what I missed hurts. The wound has not healed. It may not ever. If I had it my way, I would not have missed any of it. And compared to spending the rest of our lives together, it really was a just a small piece of forever.


You have grown and changed so much in those 2 years. You are an official girly-girl. Twirling Dresses are the most fun thing to wear! You done with diapers and modeling some darling princess panties! Dance class is your newest adventure. Your giggle still makes my heart beat a little faster. The way you "mommy" your babies is a picture I never want to forget. You love your daddy with your whole heart. In fact when he drove you to your first dance class you said " Oh, thank you daddy for my dance class." with such love and grace that I had to hold him up because he went weak in the knees. You could have asked for anything in that moment and he would have handed it to you. Instead, you hugged his neck and ran off to class. I sat there and patted his arm and watched him radiate with love for you. Oh, darling girl, you are so loved.

This week, God met me right in the middle of your birthday week with a specific word. It came out of Psalm 139. (We are doing Believing God by Beth Moore but we are doing it in a different format not the 10 week format it was written in. And just this week He met right where I was with His unfailing Word. I love how He does that. If we had been doing it week-by-week, it may not have spoken to me like it did this week.)It says in verse 14;"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; and my soul knows that full well." And this is what she wrote in our homework "Perhaps you are adopted and although you know the name of the mother who raised you, you do not know your biological mother. God certainly did and still does. God knew her intimately enough to choose her womb for the place where He would fearfully and wonderfully fashion you. God hid you in a blanket of soft tissue and bid your heart to beat.For many days He alone knew you existed. You were His secret.God's own skillful; hands knit you together, His watchful eyes gazed upon you, and His wise counsel ordained all of your days before you squinted from the light of your first." Oh, how I needed that fresh word from Him. He knew that as I approached this monumental week how my heart would be feeling. That although I had accepted those things that I can not change, the hurt is still there. It's just a mommy's heart. But here is what I heard him say to my heart "you were not there but I WAS! There was never a moment she was out of my sight or my plan. The world's system may have labeled her abandoned but I have not. She has NEVER be abandoned, dear one." Sweet relief floods my soul by recounting those precious words. It has brought peace to my heart.
Oh darling girl, your life has blessed mine more than I could have ever dared to dream. But more than that, you are your Heavenly Father's delight. May you always rejoice in that!